Four self-reflection tools
None of these assess your relationship and none of them are stored. They exist to turn a 2am spiral into something specific enough to act on.
Free help, before anything else
If you would rather talk to a person than read a website, these are free and independent. None of them are commercial partners of ours.
- If you are frightened for your physical safety, that comes before anything else on this page — a domestic violence hotline can help regardless of whether you plan to leave.
- A GP or primary-care doctor can refer you for talking support without any of it going on a public record.
- National mental-health helplines take calls about relationship crisis, not only about emergencies.
- Registered couples and individual therapist directories let you filter for people who specifically work with infidelity.
Where you actually are
Five questions about your situation, not your partner's. It gives you a starting point and a page to read — never a verdict on your relationship or on anyone in it.
What this is based on
- The questions separate stage (what has actually happened), certainty (what you know versus suspect) and goal (what you actually want right now), which is more useful than any single warning-sign list.
- It is not a lie-detector or a relationship-health score, and it has not been designed to determine whether anyone is telling the truth.
- Every outcome names what you still do not know and points at a specific guide, never a verdict.
What it cannot tell you: It cannot tell you whether your partner is being honest, whether the relationship can or should continue, or what you should do. Two people with the same answers can be in completely different situations.
Runs entirely in your browser. Your answers are never sent anywhere, never stored, and never written into the web address.
A result is a starting point, never a verdict
No tool on this site — or anywhere else — can tell you whether your partner is guilty, or whether you should stay or leave. What a structured set of questions can do is show you which part of this is actually unresolved for you, so you stop trying to answer everything at once. Treat the result as a pointer to the right page, and nothing more than that.
Conversation planner
Tick what you actually want this conversation to achieve. It composes an opening line and a short, usable plan from what you tick — nothing more elaborate than that.
What this is based on
- The goals are the things people most often say afterwards they wish they had been clear about before they started talking.
- The plan is ordered to open with what matters most to you rather than with accusation, which tends to keep a first conversation from collapsing into a fight.
What it cannot tell you: A plan is not the conversation itself, and no script survives contact with a real person perfectly. Treat it as a starting shape, not a performance to get right.
Runs entirely in your browser. Your answers are never sent anywhere, never stored, and never written into the web address.
The Understanding Infidelity & Rebuilding Trust Guide
A practical, non-judgemental workbook for the weeks right after.
Get the free guide →Rebuilding checklist
Ten behaviours that separate rebuilding that is working from rebuilding that has quietly stalled. Tick what is already true and it names where things currently stand.
What this is based on
- Drawn from what post-infidelity research on couples consistently points to: transparency, ended contact and consistency over time predict outcomes better than any single gesture or apology.
- Every item describes a behaviour, never a character trait, and the result describes where rebuilding currently stands — never a prediction of whether it will work.
What it cannot tell you: It cannot tell you whether the relationship will make it, only where the visible behaviour currently stands. Rebuilding that looks stalled today can still move; rebuilding that looks complete can still stall later.
Runs entirely in your browser. Your answers are never sent anywhere, never stored, and never written into the web address.
You can talk to a person instead
Independent, non-commercial support lines and directories. None of them are partners of ours and none of them pay us anything.
See the resources →How you are holding up
Eight plain questions about how this is affecting you, specifically — not your relationship. It gives you a starting point and a page to read, never a label.
What this is based on
- The questions cover sleep and functioning, rumination, support, self-blame, physical symptoms and outlook — the dimensions that tend to predict whether someone is coping on their own or would benefit from more support.
- It is not a screening instrument, it is not validated, and it has not been designed to detect a condition.
- Every band ends on a page of this site, and the highest one leads with independent human support.
What it cannot tell you: It cannot tell you whether you have a condition, and nothing it says is an assessment of you or your relationship. Two people with the same answers can be coping very differently underneath.
Runs entirely in your browser. Your answers are never sent anywhere, never stored, and never written into the web address.
A result is a starting point, never a verdict
No tool on this site — or anywhere else — can tell you whether your partner is guilty, or whether you should stay or leave. What a structured set of questions can do is show you which part of this is actually unresolved for you, so you stop trying to answer everything at once. Treat the result as a pointer to the right page, and nothing more than that.